DAY 2 OF DEBACHERY-AMSTERDAM

I would love to tell you that we continued to check out some more crazy things in Amsterdam, but really we did some historical type things and it was much more somber than day 1.

Have you ever heard of some girl named Anne Frank? There's supposedly a diary that's pretty famous. I am pretty sure they made me read it in about 8th grade. LOL So here's the thing, before we left Belgium, I Googled Amsterdam...just in case we got bored with hash brownies and sex shows. Amsterdam is where Anne Frank hid for two years in the attic of her father's business where he produced jam. THIS is MY actual Michelangelo statue. I don't care how long the line is, we are standing in it. History was made here and I am going to see it.

 Here we are in line for the House of Anne Frank.

Still Waiting.

While we waited, this guy showed up in a crappy painted boat blowing on a trumpet. We thought he was another crazy floating down the river looking for people to throw him money, but all of a sudden we realized that he was coordinating with the bell tower guy.

Crazy old man playing his trumpet on the water looking for  hand out... OR IS HE?

This is a candid shot of Tim Freaking out cuz they are playing in sync. (ABOVE) Tim, when he realized there was a little show going on! "Hey wait! He's playing a line, then the bell tower is ringing the same line/tune!"

The Bell Tower that was playing along.

ANNE FRANK HOUSE

The entrance to the Anne Frank House

 Anne Frank house. You can almost imagine the Germans invading and ordering everyone out. We all saw Schindler's List right?

Unfortunately, we were not allowed to take any pics inside the house.  It was a very somber place. Everyone going thru was extremely quiet. We got to walk thru the main floors where Otto Frank owned a shop but had to re-establish it under someone else's name once the Germans invaded Amsterdam in 1940. Then we went up the (extremely steep) stairs where Anne Frank, her sister Margot, her parents and another family of four lived for 2 years in secrecy.  They were betrayed and caught in 1942 when they were sent  to the concentration camps. The Nazis ordered the furnishing removed from the hiding place. Otto Frank, Anne's father, ordered the secret annex to remain unfurnished. 

The windows are still blacked out, the rooms remain empty. There were pictures on the walls showing what the rooms looked like. They were taken in 1992 to reconstruct how the rooms looked while the Franks lived there. There were also scale models built based on Otto Frank's specifications. 

I don't know how to convey how sad this was. To know that a girl...my daughter's age right now, spent 2 years of year life locked up in hiding, was found anyway and later died. That this was the what happened to millions of people, yet this one girl was the voice for those people. It breaks the heart. During one of the documentaries, we saw her father, Otto, explain how he went back to the house hoping that some of his family had survived (none did), he was given her diary, which she always knew she wanted published. To have to read you daughter's diary, after trying to protect her..... AHHHH. I am choked up now just typing this. Anne died in a Nazi concentration camp just one month before they were liberated. One month.

OK, on to more cheery events...

Next we visited the Museum of Torture. I honestly thought this was going to be sort of like the Amsterdam Dungeon. It wasn't.  This was a museum to show different types of torture devices used way back when.

The Beginning

 See how excited we are to go in? Like Disneyland only...NOT

I am so bad ass.

A piece of wood worn around the neck

I guess you aren't allowed to move your had very far with this one. 

The Rack (Nice Rack)

A pic of someone ON the rack. Looks like fun, eh?

The executioner?

The torture here? Think about it. Major muscles cramps from being held in one position

This blade was used to saw a man in half, literally. Luckily, you wouldn't live very long with this one. The put you upside down and then sawed you in half starting between your legs. Gross.

That's enough of that.

Next we headed to the Ice Bar. Did anyone watch The Amazing Race, mmm, maybe 2 seasons ago where they had to go to the Ice Bar and sit on a block of ice for about 10 minutes? Well, I guess it's famous now. So we went.  Unfortunately, we could only walk into the first part of it. If you wanted to go IN the actual Ice Bar, you had to pay some outlandish fee and buy drinks. Since I wasn't in the mood for alcohol, we passed. But hey, we were there!

Me and the penguin at the Ice Bar.

 Isn't he cute?

This was a 3D thing I was trying to capture and failed. LOL

After we did all of this, we were tired. It was around 6pm and jet lag had set in. We walked back up to the Red District in search of another sex show (LOL) and since we didn't find any, we went back to our hotel. Tim walked next door and got Gyros for dinner and I took a bath. I hurt SO bad everywhere...I don't even know how to explain. However, after food, a percocet, a hot bath and rubbing Icy Hot massage cream all over myself and smoking a (LEGAL) joint , I was in happy land and I slept like a baby! God, I LOVED Amsterdam! Please make everywhere on earth like this little city!

Next we are on to London. Since this has already happened and it was a big old cluster-fuck, I will save it for tomorrow. It's 2am here and we have an early flight out of this shit hole.

Let the Vundersex Begin!!!

Technically our first day in Amsterdam is over and we are starting our second day. I figured I better try to get it all down before I forget, which I know I will. First of all, I thought I was overwhelmed in Belgium. Amsterdam is crazy. That might be the best way to describe it. We woke up around 7 am in Brugges, ate breakfast and hit the road by 9:30am. We arrived in Amsterdam around 12:00pm. Tim kept saying, "Wait until you see the bikes...driving in Amsterdam is freaky cuz there will be bikes, pedestrians and cars all vying for a position on the street." Was he right?All I can say is OMG!

A Holland Windmill

 Bikes, Bikes Bikes

It's kinda hard to tell, but this is a pic out our car window as we were driving thrru the streets. 

Other than the fact that my palms were clammy and my pits were sweating from trying to make sure I was actaully driving in a lane, not hitting people on foot, people on bikes, other cars or the trolleys, I did pretty good. People park on the streets here...in the driving lanes. So, what do the cars do? They drive up on the median and just go around. Duh. Don't worry about the fact that there are trolley tracks and trolleys that are RUNNING! I only made one wrong turn during the driving foray.  Right onto a very small one way road. On my right was the canal, on my left were buildings. I made a 10 point turn and got out of there as fast as possible. Stupid, RUDE FRENCH GPS system.

The inside of our hotel lobby. This hotel is really lovely. 

OUR ROOM

I would like a clock like this someday!

We went out for a walk in search of food and found many places to choose from. With ENGLISH menus! I found a BLTCA with my name on it (BLT plus chicken and avacado). YUMMY

 LUNCH

I couldn't get that food in my mouth fast enough! We were both so grateful there was something besides Stewed Eel on the menu!

Next stop...Cannibis Coffee Shop! Which we found in all of five minutes! They are everywhere. They even have menus for it. Pure Weed, weed mixed with tobacco, kinds of weed with different names, hash brownies, hash muffins, cannibis coffee, black hash, blonde hash...etc. Zanadu! LOL

Someone obviously had some good weed to come up with THIS grafitti!

We are eating lunch at a little place and I snapped a picture of all the hustle and bustle going on. This is the marijuana capital of the world. Look at all those people! But wait...where is all the crime? Where are all the pot heads walking around acting stupid? Where is all the Taboo stuff? This is a society where a plant that is illegal almost everywhere else, is completely socially acceptable here. There is a ton of controversy in the United States right now over Marijuana. Our government seems to be afraid that our society is going to fall apart if we make marijuana use legal. Look at these people. They all seem to be functioning just fine. Hmmm How interesting! And now you know MY viewpoint on legalizing Marijuana. :)

There are a few Museums we were searching for but first we needed to find a currency exchange office, which led us down to Times Square.

 One of the "Robot men." I am glad Tim didn't get into a robot war with him. "ZZZZT ZZZZT ERROR ERROR!" Again another reference to Euro Trip. HAHA

Wait a minute! After looking at the pics, I realized this robot guy is a pervert! Look where he placed my hand compared to where he placed Tim's hand. Oh well. At least he was straight.

The giant Ferris Wheel and some other ride that made me want to puke just watching it. I don't really like Ferris wheels and Tim says there is an even bigger one in London. My guts can only handle one ferris wheel on this trip, so I guess we are waiting for the big one. Fantastic.

 AHHH, The beginning of the Red Light District. Of course, if you know ME at all, you know this is where I HAD to come. 

It's like New Orleans on steroids! Where Bourbon Street is one long street and once you walk up it, you just turn around and walk back the way you came. Here you walk to the end, then turn and BAM...a whole new street to explore. 

To all my Intimate Avenue Consultants...The Lelo brand we are bringing out next month is HUGE here in Europe. We are on the right track with those products!

Trying on Masks at the Masquerade Store

The Formal night on the cruise we are going on is Masquerade, so we each bought a mask. Should be fun plus it will be a great souvenir!

Masquerade Store

Screw Michelangelo...Now, on to MY museums!

The Erotic Museum

The first museum we found was the Erotic Museum. Inside this building were all kinds of toys from years and years ago. Everything from glass, wood, jade, Lladro handmade stuff, all kinds of photos.

Oops...talk about standing in the wrong spot at the wrong time for a photo. Oh well, it turned out funny.

There was even a disney room, which I have not decided yet if it was funny or just disturbing. We went a little silly with Snow White but I will leave those pics off of THIS blog. 

This was the torture BDSM room. Please Let me out!!!

Tim in the Torture chair. He looks miserable doesn't he?

I know, I look sad too.

OOH LA LA

Looks exactly like Tim. He just needs a hair cut.

After this museum, we found the The Dungeon.  I don't have any pics of this, as they did not allow photos. The best way to explain this is...The BEST haunted house I have ever been to in my life! It took about an hour to go through it, there was even a roller coaster at the end. The seperated us several times which made it really scary. At one point I grabbed on to some guy and held on tight for a good solid minute and a half before I realized he wasn't Tim. It was pretty funny actually.

After the Dungeon experience, we stopped in a coffee shop for coffee and a treat. 

 MMM...Brownies!!!

MMM...Brownies!!!

After this coffee shop, it was about 6:00pm and we were hitting the wall again so we headed back to the hotel for some much needed rest. I slept like a baby for a solid 3 hours. We got up again and headed back out in search of food at about 10:30pm. 

Then back to the red light district.

I don't even know how to explain what we saw. Hookers in window after window. They just stand there and dance, barely...well it's more of a small shimmy as they try to entice you to come in so they can pull the curtain.  I offered Tim one. Hey! Don't judge me! It's not every day you come to Amsterdam and get to see real prostitutes.  He did decline.  I figured just for offering, that probably makes me the best wife ever...even if I was just kidding! 

So we went to a live sex show instead. LOL

And that was the end of day ONE.

This place is crazy. I want to live here. HAHA